A Blog called Malice

“Eisenhower is dead.”

It’s what I tell myself if I ever start to experience anything like irrational exuberance. It always brings be back down to earth.

Now though, I’m being told that the man who wrestled Adolph Hitler atop the Reichstag and threw his broken corpse down onto the street below with the heart ripped out and then flew to the moon on a stream of golden fire has been reincarnated a bit in Chuck Hagel.

My heart is lifting.

They even included Eisenhower quotations, wisdom which once dripped from the lips of the American President who never should have left us, the American President who traveled to the sun and brought us back nuclear energy, the man who single handedly found the cures to over four million diseases that hadn’t even started yet and so prevented trillions of deaths. Mantras for us to repeat in our heads all day long…

But Eisenhower is dead.

Chuck Hagel is not even a one trillionth of what Eisenhower was. And I say that even though I kinda like Chuck, (if he isn’t allowed to talk about anything except for the military and American foreign policy: if he strays outside those lines I start to feel uncomfortable and say things like “geez, chuck…” and start looking around uncomfortably and shifting in my seat. It’s even worse if he’s around people he doesn’t know and is clearly tied to me, or I’ve said nice things about him in the past to these people. Then it’s like suggesting a movie to people and forgetting that Julia Roberts is in it and there’s this whole love story going on. “I don’t support this” your eyes say to your friends, desperately.)

Chuck is merely relatively sensible on foreign policy. Outside of this current shitheap of a political milieu he’d be an outsider to the corridors of reasonableness. Eisenhower, on the other hand, could sit down with Bismarck or Wellington, look them in the eye, and discuss politics. (They would force Hagel to wear a leash and make him dance their contemporary dance crazes.)

I caught something last night and have a bad fever, so this post ends now.*

*-This is why I love blogs. Imagine Crusade in Europe had ended with “I am so fucking sick. Fuck this book. I don’t even remember what happened after that. We administered occuppied Germany or something. Sure it was fine. I think I just heard a monkey fighting a pig outside. That’s fucked. Gotta go.”

Splashtop + Asus = Wow.

It’s a small blog.  Yes.  But it’s appearing in search engines and people are starting to show up (in small numbers).

Very particular people.

In my last blog I was huge in Germany, the Netherlands, Japan, Korea, Italy and Ireland… for trampoline porn.  I would get constant hits from people from those palces looking to satisfy their trampoline porn urges.

Now, I’m biggest with people looking for “bald porn”, and “clothes hurt”.  I couldn’t be happier.

Check out the Mason Federalist podcast starring Dr. John Yoo from 2006.  It’s a good look into the way the now infamous Yoo thinks about the law.

I’m having some trouble linking, so here’s the process: subscribe to the podcast in whatever podcast aggregator you have.  Then download the Yoo episode (there are only two episodes available on the stream).

Yesterday I got to listen into a breakup at a sushi restaurant.  Some dorky guy was dumping the woman he was eating with.  Apparently moving in together hadn’t solved the problems they’d hoped it would.

Key to the whole thing was that he’d noticed that a lot of women really wanted him, and he’d rather check that out than try working on their relationship.  This was all being explained with no break on his part in eating.

Best breakup ever.

Also: if you’re ordering takeout should you tip the guy?  I did, but I figured I’d tip like 10% as a compromise.  You’ll have to note that at that point I felt like the world was pulsating and that I felt like hugging or killing everyone I met (due to withdrawal).  I fear I missed an opportuntiy to not tip.   Or embarassingly undertipped.

Woke up at 2:30 to a knock on my door, then played slots.

Maybe poker next.  I’ve really figured out this living thing.

So.

Angela Merkel noted that different Latin American countries have different views, and aren’t all spoken for by say, one of the least popular countries in the region.

How would you respond if you were Chavez:

a) Nothing. Different countries are different countries. Would Merkel complain if someone had mentioned that she doesn’t set policy for all of Europe?
b) Call her a political descendant of Hitler.
c) Destroy your country’s economy and civil rights.

The answer is b). I tried to trip you up with c), but obviously he hadn’t done that in response to anything Merkel had done, but just because he either cares nothing for Venezuelans and longs only to buy power and destroy the country in that quest or is delusional.

Also, as a congrats to me: I just pulled off 2 hours straight of sleep!